I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
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