Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
