I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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