The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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