I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
