You made me cry and you don't even care
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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