my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
