please come you make the beer taste better
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
