Your dad touched me again.
I think I won the penis lottery.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
