I wish life had little blips of pornography
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
