Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Drunk is a universal language darling
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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