My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
