38 yer olds are good kisserssss
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
