dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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