I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
