I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
