You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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