NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I have fence marks all over my body
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
