I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
