she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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