I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
