Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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