If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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