He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We left the knife in your bed.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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