Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
