No awkward lesbian experiences without me
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
