I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
