I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
