what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
