Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
