I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I have aggressive nipples.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
