Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
