Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
