and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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