The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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