I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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