i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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