$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
