Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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