You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
