you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
