how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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