Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
His nipple licking is glorious
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