it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
