i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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