New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
