Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
