I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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