Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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