She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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