I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
