It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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